Keeping Afloat
by imsohoodrr
Summary: Set after Series 2 finale. Will has returned to England with the rest of the gang. Djaq has remained in the Holy Land. Will she ever come home? And what is she hiding?
1. Chapter 1

BBC owns everything you recognize.

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"Well, right them. Good-bye Djaq." Will said stonily, before turning and striding away.

Djaq watched as her love walked away from her, leaving her standing in the aviary, feeling as if the whole world had fallen from under her..

Robin looked at her sadly, "I am sorry, Djaq."

She shook her head, not even attempting to stop the tears that flowed.

"It is ok. I understand how he feels and that he is angry. I just hope one day he will find it in his heart to forgive me."

Robin put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "He will. And when you are ready, we will all be waiting for you, at home."

He stressed the last word, knowing that England was where Djaq truly felt she belonged. Truth be told, he could not understand her choice to remain behind in the Holy Land, but he respected it. He had half expected Will to say he was staying with her, but Will had looked just as shocked as everyone else when she made her announcement.

"Some day, I will return, I promise. But there are things here that need my attentions."

"I know." Robin hugged her close, and then turned to leave. One by one, Little John, Much, and, finally Allan said their goodbyes.

"What'd you have to go and do this for, then? Will's gonna be bloody moody all the way home." Allan tried to joke as he held her tightly.

"It is for the best. Some day, some day you will all understand. He will understand."

Allan released her, and brushed away some tears. "All right, sweetheart. Don't keep us waiting too long."

"I won't."

He squeezed her hand and then followed the others out.

Djaq walked over to the window and looked down as they set out on their journey home. Much turned around often to look back at her, as if he couldn't quite believe she wasn't coming with them. Soon, they had all passed from her sight, except for one lone figure.

Will turned and stared up at her.

She raised a hand in a wave.

He looked away and rounded the corner.

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Djaq followed the path from the main house through the gardens. At the end of them was another, smaller building, that her father had once used for storing all his medicines and supplies.

Gently, she pushed open the door. The inside was dark and much cooler than outside. Along three walls were shelves of jars and little bottles and books. Most were covered in dust from not being touched in years. The desk still had her father's medical diaries sitting on them, waiting to be perused.

Along the fourth wall was a cot.

Djaq made her way over and had a seat on the little stool beside the cot. She studied the lifeless form before her.

"All right, sleepy head. It is time to wake up." Plucking a little bottle up from the nightstand, she pulled out the stopper and brought it to the nose of the woman.

Jerking, the woman's eyes flew open, but she was still too weak to do much more than that.

"Dj-djaq? Are they gone? Am I ok? Is it ok?"

"Yes to all three, Marian."

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Will stared out over the water, as he had for hours, every day since they had left port.

How could she make this choice without telling him? They'd just made it known that they loved each other, they had just started! And now, it was over.

This numbness was something he'd never felt before. Not when his mum died, not when his dad died. This was just complete emptiness.

"All right, mate?" Allan's voice jarred him from his thoughts.

"Wha-? Oh, yeah. Just thinkin', that's all."

"You've been doing a lot more thinkin' than even you do, Will Scarlett. Come on now. It'll be all right. She'll come back one day."

"But when is one day?! Anything could happen to her! And I just walked away from her! I just left her! But she didn't even tell me, it was like she just forgot me."

"I don't think Djaq could ever forget you. But, it seems to me like she's got a trick or two up her sleeve. When she's ready for us to know, she'll come back. You know she will."

"I just admitted to her, to myself, to everyone...that I love her. And it would be just the way of the world, for me to lose her forever."

He stumbled sideways from the force of the blow to the head from Allan.

"Don't talk like that, you daft idiot! Sitting here feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to help anyone, is it? Robin lost Marian forever, but he knows she wouldn't want him to mope about like a kicked puppy. He's in there planning and strategizing, for all of us and bloody England! Whatever Djaq is doing, I guarantee you it's with our best interests mind. So don't sit there all pissy and ungrateful!"

Will leaned against the side of the ship, holding his head, stunned from both the blow and Allan's honest words.

Allan sighed and put a hand on on Will's shoulder.

"Look, I didn't mean to be so harsh, but if Djaq's not here to take everyone to task, somebody's got to do it."

Will nodded. "I know."

"Come on, let's go play cards or something. This ship is bloody boring."

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So....what do you think...? I'm open to CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Please Read & Review, whether you loved it or hated it.


	2. Chapter 2

FLASHBACK

The Camp: A few days before Robin's Birthday

"Marian? Robin is not here."

"I know. I came to speak to you."

Marian sat down beside Djaq, where the Saracen woman was sorting through berries and roots. They were alone in the camp, for once.

"Is everything alright?"

"I...I don't know. Yes and no." Marian fidgeted nervously as she spoke. "I have been to see the midwife."

"Whatever for?" Realization dawned on Djaq after the words left her mouth. "You're...you're not? When? Did Guy...?"

"No, no...Guy did not attack me. It happened about two months ago. Robin came to speak to me one night...and things got carried away."

"Oh...will you tell him?"

"Not yet. There is trouble brewing at the Castle. His mind needs to be clear."

"But you can not stay there!"

"I will figure something out. I need to know if you have anything to help with the morning sickness."

"Yes, yes of course."

The two sat in companionable silence as Djaq set about making the necessary mixture.

"You won't tell anyone, right?" Marian asked as she prepared to leave, some time later.

"Of course not."

Marian threw her arms around Djaq. "Thank you."

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FLASHBACK

The Holy Land

Djaq waited until Little John had a firm grip on Robin to close the door. She had to prepare Marian's body for burial, which would be a hard enough task without Robin hovering.

First things first, she must sew up the wound. She gently stitched up the wound, carefully, as if Marian was a living patient and not a dead one. It was still unfathomable to Djaq that the other woman was dead.

Afterwards, she set aside all her tools, and looked over at the clean dress for Marian to be put in. That was when the tears began to flow. She was struggling to compose herself, when a soft voice spoke.

"Why...why are you crying, Djaq?"

"Because you are dead."

"I...I am?"

Djaq snapped to and whipped around.

"Marian, you are alive?"

"You just said I was dead!"

"I thought,,,we all thought...it must have been the loss of blood, the weak pulse...I must get the others."

She moved to go to the door, when Marian's hand snaked out and grabbeed her own, surprisingly strong for a woman at Death's door.

"No...they must think I'm dead."

"Why?"

"I...I...can not travel, like this. Robin must..return...to England. He will want to stay...until I have recovered."

"I see your point, but Marian...I need a body for the burial."

"I know...but...you'll think of something, Djaq. I know you will...you're brilliant. Oh, I'm so tired."

"Lay back. I think it will be safe for you to sleep. I will check the baby, although I wouldn't hope for a miracle. And then I will think of something."

Marian nodded.

She was asleep within moments, and Djaq gently felt her stomach, knowing that there would be no chance for the baby's surival.

But...what was that?

A heartbeat?

Surely, it was Marian's.

But...there were two.

"You are a lucky, lucky woman, Marian."

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Djaq stood to the side as Robin entered and lifted the carefully wrapped body.

Her heart ached at the deception she was a part of, but she knew it was for the best.

Marian was safe in her father's old infirmary.

And the body of a servant girl killed when she got in the way of the guards rushing to the Sheriff's side earlier, was to have a proper burial.

And this would not be the final lie.

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	3. Chapter 3

After a week of laying half in and out of a coma in the little building, Marian was finally well enough to move to the house. She held tightly to Djaq as they made the journey through the garden. The pain in her side was excruciating. Djaq tried to support her as much as possible, but Marian was still very weak, almost limp. It was like trying to push along dead weight.

"How much farther, Djaq?"

"Just a few steps." Djaq said through gritted teeth as she braced her shoulder.

When they got to the little shaded patio, Djaq gently lowered Marian into a chair, and then collapsed on the floor beside her.

"Next time, I get a servant to carry you."

"Agreed. That was awful. Who knew walking a few steps could be so difficult?"

"Then again, not everyone does it after receiving a near fatal wound." Djaq got to her feet. "I will get us something to eat and to drink. No more mush for you. You need to start really building up your strength."

Marian nodded and then leaned back in the chair, looking out at the garden she had not been able to appreciate a few moments before. She was full of questions to ask Djaq, but she wasn't sure she wanted to know how Robin was doing, or force Djaq to think about Will.

A short while later, Djaq returned with two plates of food, two cups, and a jug of water.

"Couldn't you have gotten someone to help you?" Marian asked, noting the juggling act as Djaq struggled not to drop anything.

"It is all right." Djaq put a plate in Marian's hands, and then set down the rest on a nearby table. She poured a cup of water and handed it over, and then sat in the opposite chair with her own. "I am not used to having servants anymore. I don't think I ever will be again."

The two ate in silence, Marian ravenously hungry, and Djaq pensive. When they had finished they still sat in silence, then Marian broke the quiet.

"How did they take it?"

"Not well. I mean, they think that you are dead."

"No. I meant you staying."

"Oh. That…not so good. Some of them understand. Others…do not."

"Will?"

Djaq nodded. "He barely even said good-bye to me. Just turned around and walked away."

She brushed away a tear.

"Oh, Djaq, I'm sorry. This is all my fault!"

"No, do not ever say that! We are here because you need help and I want to give it. You did not stab yourself if I remember correctly."

"I know, but it's not fair. We're both separated from the ones we love when we need them the most."

"Yes, but, we have each other, do we not? I have found that I sometimes prefer the company of friends in my most dire hours."

"I have never had many…any…real friends." Marian looked away. "At least not any close female ones."

Djaq smiled. "You do now."

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"It looks like we'll be in England within a few days." Robin announced to the gang where they sat around on the deck. "But as soon as we get there, we must lay low. The Sheriff will be pulling every dirty trick in his book to keep Prince John in power, now that the King is aware of the plot."

"I don't think we should go back to Sherwood right away. Maybe skirt the coast for a bit." Allan put forth, looking around at the others. "I wouldn't be surprised if they set the forest on fire trying to get us out."

"You are right. We can stick to the South of England for now, where they do not know who we are and that we are outlaws. We could start spreading the word about the traitorous actions of the Sheriff, and Gisbourne."

Robin looked to Will, who had said nothing. "We will return to Sherwood in due time. I am sure we will get home before Djaq does."

"Djaq's not coming home." Will got up and walked away.

Allan sighed in exasperation. "See, I made some headway with him a week ago. Got him to understand that Djaq's probably doing something to help us. He was fine and dandy for a few days, but now he's all moody again."

"I have no doubt in my mind that she will return. I just wish I knew what she was hiding from us."

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	4. Chapter 4

Marian woke often in the middle of the night, crying softly as she clutched her growing stomach. This was possibly the hardest thing she had ever had to do, but she knew that there was no other way. If Robin had stayed behind, the Sheriff and Guy would be able to run rampant through England, destroying anyone who stood in their way. Without the gang, there would be no one to keep them in check. So Marian had deceived the people she cared about the most in the world. Chances were, they would never forgive her. Or Djaq. She hated herself for dragging Djaq into it. Djaq had given up so much to help her. It would be all Marian's fault if she couldn't get it back. How long until the baby would be born? How long after that until she could travel? What if there was something wrong with the baby? What if she appeared in front of Robin in Sherwood and he rejected her and their child? How could she continue to live without him?

Robin spent most of his nights pacing, going over those last few moments of Marian's life in his head. He always asked himself what he could possibly have done to save her. He should have put a stop to her getting involved in all this business from the get go. But then, if he had, she would no longer have been Marian. His Marian. She would have been just like every other girl to come out of Nottingham. No matter how long he had ever been away from her, her face was always burned into his memory. He could never love anyone else. She was his one true love, and she was gone. He kept thinking he would open his eyes one day, and there she would be, smiling that smile that always seemed to be saying something more. But every morning, he opened his eyes and saw the same walls of his cabin on the ship. Bare and ugly. Empty.

Djaq had always been able to keep her composure, no matter what. There was no time to grieve over lost things. Pick up and move on. That was her mantra. But how could she move on from this? He had made her feel things she had never thought she'd feel again. She had felt alive for the first time in years. For the first time since her brother died. It was as if she didn't even matter when he said good-bye to her. Like they had not expressed their love for each other, hours before they had been sure to die. It had been as if someone had sliced out her heart right there and then. His eyes had always been so expressive, and even they said nothing. She was not afraid of living out her life alone. But it would be so much easier if he had never crossed her path. There would be no one for her after Will Scarlett.

Will slept as much as he could, because in his dreams she was by his side. She hadn't chosen to stay behind without him. Upon waking, there was an emptiness inside of him that grew with every second. She was the only woman he had ever loved. Sure, there were girls from his home that he had liked. But not even the most beautiful of them could hold a candle to Djaq. None of them had her ferocity or her intelligence. Even with their flowing locks and pretty dresses, not one of them had even half the femininity she had masquerading about as a man. He honestly believed that God had created them for each other, and only for each other. So, how could she just let him go? Why would she say she loved him, that she loved him in the way a bird would travel thousands of miles to be with the one it loves, if he meant so little? It was not like her. But now he did not know who she was. He didn't know if he ever had.

Read & Review? Sorry it's taken so long to update. I'm working extra hours. ; )


	5. Chapter 5

Marian watched from her seat on the patio as Djaq did her morning exercises. Every day, at sunrise, without fail, Djaq was up and out in the garden, stretching.

"I can not afford to let my muscle run to fat. When we return, who knows what things will be like." Djaq said as she stretched her ham strings. "It never hurts to be prepared."

"Once I have popped this child out, I'll join you." Marian laughed.

Once Djaq had finished, they would take walk to the marketplace, and enjoy the sights and the scents for a while. It was Marian's favorite part of the day. Only there was she truly able to get lost in the world around her and forget for a little bit the hardships to come. She often found herself trying to imagine Djaq as a little girl running through these streets. It brought a smile to her face to imagine the so serious Djaq as a laughing, playing little girl.

FInally, Djaq had finished and she came to help Marian out of her chair. The two woman leaned on each other for a moment, Djaq tired from her work out, and Marian from being pregnant. In the last two months, their friendship had grown as quickly as Marian's belly. It was hard for them both to imagine how they'd gotten through life so far without such a friend.

"Where would you like to go today, Marian?" Djaq asked as they walked arm in arm to the gate.

"I think today, I just want to walk and see where we end up."

"I like the sound of that." Djaq smiled as they continued their walk. Soon, they were surrounded by the sights and sounds of the market. Every little stall they passed, someone tried to stop them and sell them something. Djaq merely waved them off. There was something about her that commanded respect. Normally they would be harassed until they stopped but one wave of Djaq's little hand and they were alone again.

"Just think, in a few more months, we will be able to go home." Marian mused as they strolled. "I never thought I would willingly go back to a place where I would find myself sleeping on the dirty ground for an indefinite period of time. The things we do for love."

Djaq nodded, but said nothing. Unlike Marian, she feared she would not have much to return to. She still could not get the look, or absence of one, on Will's face out of her head.

"When the child is born, how long do you think we'll have to wait?"

Djaq shrugged. "It depends on the child, if it is healthy, we could leave within weeks. If the child is not healthy, it could be months."

"Then that is another reason to wish for a healthy child."

"Indeed."

Then, Marian pulled Djaq over to a stall laden with beautiful scarves and the conversation was ended.

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Will was so intensely focused on the table he was carving that he did not notice Allan come into the shed. Allan watched him for some time before making his presence known, seeing the hurt still so prevalent in Will's eyes as he worked.

"That's a nice table you're making, Will." Allan remarked as Will stood back to study his work.

Will looked back over his shoulder and nodded. "Thanks."

"Who's it for?"

"The baker. He needs one to work on. His old one is rotting."

"Ah, the baker. I wouldn't mind working on the baker's daughter." Allan chuckled.

"Yeah, she's very pretty."

"What's this? Will has acknowledged the existence of a woman other than Djaq? Not possible!"

"There is no Djaq anymore, Allan. We've gone over this. She chose a life without me."

"Yeah, but she never said she wasn't coming back! It's not like you to be so condemning, Will. It's a bit frightening to be honest. We've been in Hampshire for two months now, and you haven't given it anymore thought at all."

"There's nothing to think about."

"Alright then, think about this. What are you going to do, the day you look up and Djaq is walking down the road towards you?"

"I'll greet her like I'd greet any old friend that has been gone. With a handshake and a hug. Nothing more."

"I doubt that, Will. I really doubt that." Allan stepped between his friend and the table, grasping Will by the shoulders. "That girl loves you, and you love her. When you see her again, all this anger will melt away and it will be just like it was before. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go chit chat with baker about his new table, and see if I can find that daughter of his."

He patted Will on the shoulder before turning and leaving.

Will watched him go, an odd look on his face. Then he shook his head and went back to the table.

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Robin sat inside a little tavern with Much, watching the people come in and out. Even in Hampshire they had found enough corruption to revert to their old ways of spying and helping out the poor. There may not be a sheriff of Nottingham, but there was a sheriff trying to follow in his foot steps, however much he may be bungling. Because they were not recognized as outlaws, and believed to just be some men returned from the Crusades and trying to start afresh, the gang mostly went unnoticed.

Robin was gauging some travelers who looked suspicious. He strongly suspected that the Sheriff of Hampshire was transporting money and goods out of the town that would have been greatly appreciated if given to the poor. When they had arrived and set themselves up in a little house at the edge of town, they hadn't been able to help but notice the destitute positions of the people. They worked and worked and received nothing for their efforts. Goods they made themselves went missing. All for the profit of men who already had money.

Robin took a swig of his beer and headed toward the travelers, making like he was going for another pint. As he passed, he stumbled to get closer.

"...says he'll meet us tonight...behind the blacksmith's..."

"...a wagonload of goods...coin purses..."

Robin plucked down a copper for another pint then went back to Much.

"Tonight, behind the blacksmith's."

"Are we going to ambush them?"

"I haven't decided yet. Tonight may just be for observation. Or some things might go missing from their wagon."

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